I have a secret. A secret that most of you reading this would not have realised prior to this admittance. But for the last 3 months, Olive & Clo has remained a closely guarded project of mine and to this day, still remains one. In fact, only a handful of people know that I habitually blog in my spare time and even fewer have actually seen my Instagram (@OliveandClo), let alone this website.
To say that I have kept this love of mine under wraps would be a laughable understatement. Because the fact-of-the-matter is, I have erected sky-high, iron-clad barriers around this hobby of mine, not even allowing a single family member to breach my walls. And you might be asking why, why all the hesitancy to share Olive & Clo, the one thing I have been passionately working on for the last however-many-months?
Well, that is a damn good question. One that has troubled me for some time now. So I’ll begin by confessing that a large portion of my reluctance stems from fears and insecurities. As much as it pains me to admit, the truth is that despite being a full-fledged adult, I am still plagued by the same self-doubt that once hindered me back in high school. And unfortunately, my lack of confidence is not something I can simply shake off.
So today, I wanted to write (aka pour my heart out) about the insecurities currently shrouding my blogging experience. And whilst doing so, share a few photos from a very wet morning spent exploring the stunning Maleny Botanical Gardens in an old but classic Auguste the Label maxi dress.
Insecurity 1: My Fear of Judgement
I know, I know. To be afraid or to give a morsel-of-a-crap about what others think of me is simply ridiculous, an unmitigated stupidity. And you would be absolutely right. But does that stop me from feeling anxious at the thought of my family/friends/colleagues knowing that I spend my weekends modelling for my own photoshoots and publicly journaling my thoughts for no other purpose save my own enjoyment?
Uh, no. Unfortunately, it does not.
And if I were being brutally honest, the root of this chiefly sits with me not being entirely comfortable with Olive & Clo myself. Not yet anyway. And maybe that same part of me is not quite ready to answer the hard-hitting questions.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss
Insecurity 2: My Fear of Letting People In
Most bloggers will be able to attest to this: blogging, or the general art of writing, is inherently personal. And as somebody that writes about her life, her experiences and her feelings, every sentence I pour onto my keyboard, in my mind, tends to feel a lot like building a window into my soul, one paragraph at a time.
The thought alone of the people around me possessing such ..easy access to my uncensored thoughts, imperfect perceptions, and ugly insecurities, where I am no longer safely guarded behind makeup and fashion, scares the absolute heck out of me.
Again, this is an issue within my own backyard. I simply need to learn to let the people around me in. And to stop showing them small, tailored and sometimes falsified versions of myself. If these people get to wear the title of ‘my loved ones’, they deserve to see ugly bits and all.
There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. – Ernest Hemingway
Insecurity 3: My Fear of Additional Pressure
Juggling a full-time job whilst maintaining a household, relationships and adhering to a blogging schedule of 3-posts-per-week is not the easiest thing to do. And I’m not going to lie, I place an enormous amount of pressure on myself to create good, quality content for Olive & Clo. And unfortunately, that’s part-the-parcel of how it is when you have a passion that is confined to just weekends and week nights.
So as you can imagine, with the insurmountable pressure I already load myself with at current state, the idea of how psychotic I might become by simply knowing that my loved ones, the people that I want to make proud, might be following and reading this blog ..is pretty damn frightening.
Hard work doesn’t guarantee success, but improves its chances. – B.J. Gupta
That pretty much sums it up. And can I just say, I admire the bloggers/content creators who were courageous enough to share their project with their personal world from the very get-go. Because you people, to me, are absolute superstars. And I honestly wish I possessed the same level of courage.
Nevertheless, you guys will be pleased to know that I have since committed to sharing Olive & Clo with my friends and family. I have given myself until the 30th of July. And I encourage people to hold me accountable to this deadline. Feel free to check-in whenever and keep me honest. But until we reach that day, I would love to hear about some of your experiences, and whether any of you have found yourself in a similar position.
Love Linda, xo